I imagine that many of you here are wondering how it is to be 90 years old. You may be saying to yourself, "poor fellow, he'll be lucky if he lives another five minutes," and how right you might be. In contrast, think of the extravagance of years that many of you are enjoying. I remember my younger years when I didn't give a care in the world for the days, the months or the years as they passed by, and I certainly never gave a thought for the end of my life. Then again, I might just be as happy as you, regardless of your age. Why? Because I concentrate on living one day at a time, and I believe we make the mistake throughout our lives in not doing just that. I try not to think about tomorrow or even next week. When I awake in the morning, I realize I still have my health and senses, and I have the whole day ahead of me. I reason further I shall probably also have tomorrow and perhaps another whole week, but today is the day, and I am going to make the most of it, regardless of responsibilities or problems that I might have to deal with. I am determined also to have at least several hours to do as I please.
I have never suffered from picturing myself as an old man, and, in fact, I have never thought too much about my age, and would certainly never admit that I am an old man. Fundamentally I feel much the same as I did at 20, 40 or 60. I had even gone through most of my eighties rather innocently. The doctors put me together again on several occasions, and yet I assumed that life would simply go on. But now I was approaching 90! I thought again about today. How shall I make it as interesting as possible? I began to wonder, what about music? How do I listen to music? I asked myself, do I really ever listen to music simply for the pleasure it might bring me? Am I neglecting something that my profession never offered me? Perhaps I should make more of an effort to listen to music, not for any other reason than simply to bring me pleasure; these reflections finally introduced the idea of setting aside a given time each day just for the pleasure of listening to music.
Listening to music
I planned to sit in the comfortable luxury of my living room, make no effort to concentrate, select some music and simply be there with no distractions to divert my attention. During my career I had been so often irritated by incidents when music was carelessly listened to; I recalled how often I myself had been guilty of not listening to music attentively. I would be with a friend or a colleague talking constantly, often, of course, discussing the music as we presumably listened to it. I recalled too that on other occasions I might be alone reading, again often material about the music I was hearing, but I became more aware than ever that conversation and reading were always a distraction. I was not about to spend my life doing something that looked like more work, and decided with my new plan to listen to music only in the same spirit as if I were reading a detective story or playing a game of checkers. On occasion I might be tired and even fall asleep. If it so happened that the music passed me by, the hour still would be a time of rest and relaxation. I was intent on keeping the hour quiet, and to be in an environment that would at least encourage me to focus on the music. Within the limits of my quasi-discipline, I found this surprisingly easy and pleasant to carry out.
It has worked. I was behaving like an amateur and enjoying it. My interested often shifted to one of curiosity, reminding me of my youth. I began listening to a far wider range of music and constantly trying to find and enjoy the musical ideas and how they were being handled by the composers, not only great ones, but more often unusual or lesser composers whose musical ideas intrigued me. As I listened to music for pleasure I enjoyed many surprises and I was rarely bored. Listening to music every day in this way also served to expose me to music I had rarely listened to seriously.
Over time I stopped playing all of a large work. In suites, sonatas, or symphonies I found myself instinctively listening to one or two movements more interesting than others. I rarely listen to Mozart, although an occasional movement from a quartet or a piano sonata is sometimes refreshing. I was determined too to make my listening a constant source of pleasure. After all, it does take time to listen to music, and my interest in new music forced me to be more selective.
This plan for listening has brought music to me in a new and refreshing way. I have always believed that music is the most fascinating world of all, and I feel sorry for those people who are unable to know music as I have experienced it. Just think of the orchestra. It is unbelievable that there are now hundreds of good orchestras throughout the civilized world, and the sound of the best is dazzling. This compared to orchestras as I knew them 70 years ago. I remember an early recording of Bruckner in which the intonation of the orchestra was almost intolerable. I lived in Buffalo and the orchestra there was still largely made up of amateurs. Today it is close to being a major orchestra. Even the best orchestras those days were no better than second-rate orchestras today. I believe it was Stokowski with the Philadelphia Orchestra in the '30s and '40s who first raised the level of musicianship in the orchestra.
Ideas on repertoire
There are so many riches in music; many of them do not rank high on a musicologist's list. So many fascinating composers have come on the scene in our time; I think of Honegger, Messiaen, Korngold, Mahler, Hindemith, Dutilleux, in America Barber and Ruggles, in England, Bax and Walton and, of course, Reger and even Karg-Elert. Not necessarily Reger of the big organ fantasies, although there are exciting moments. Imagine instead Reger with the string quartet! He has written five and the best of them is wonderful music. And Reger wrote for the orchestra; a large and wonderful Serenade, and the beautiful Variations on a Theme of Mozart. There is nothing like it anywhere. Then there is Bruckner, still virtually unknown in America; one of my favorites of his is the last movement of the Fifth Symphony. It is an amazing work! Another is the Rachmaninoff Third Piano Concerto. It is fairly well known but still not fully appreciated. It is a remarkable piece of music, and to this day, one of many works still often maligned by the critics.
But after I have said all this, I realize more than ever how narrow my musical tastes have been. For example, in recent years I have been exposed to the wonderful and diverse music of Boris Blacher, almost completely unknown in this country, and I continue to wonder why he has remained so obscure. A contemporary of Hindemith, they both at one time taught at the Hochschule in Berlin. I now have about 15 CDs of his music. Even after a lifetime as a professional musician, I can't tell you how this new approach to music has affected my life and virtually changed my outlook on music.
We can't be happy all day. Even when retired, as I am, there are still responsibilities to attend to. We have to take care of our families and ourselves as usual. Nevertheless, as I awaken in the morning, I am soon aware that I have something to look forward to--listening to music. It compensates for the music that we are compelled to hear in the outside world--background music, almost impossible to avoid. Hindemith aptly described it as "musical garbage."
Eating well
I have still more to help make my day. We all have one thing in common: we must eat to live, and I have thought for a long time that what and how we eat has a lot to do with our happiness; in fact, it has a lot to do with our psyche, our personality, our health, and our whole being. It is, after all, at the center of our lives. Now, like my hour of music, I have learned to anticipate and appreciate the dinner hour as another source of happiness in my life, and, in fact, I am able to enjoy over the whole day, breakfast, lunch and finally dinner in the evening. But dinner is the climax, and it has become an event to look forward to every day.
Strangely enough, just as most people do not really listen to music seriously, I believe there are millions in our society who have a careless attitude toward food and thus only eat to live. Much of the time they are only vaguely conscious of the taste of food. They eat to assuage their hunger, and it is mainly hunger which determines what they eat. This drives them to eat too much and too carelessly. Shopping for food is not easy and many folks are even afraid to go into the kitchen. They are torn between the fast food business, the supermarket and food supplements that the nutritionists, pharmacologists and doctors persuade them to take for their health. They suffer from worrying about food for their health, and this conflicts with their desire to eat for pleasure. The ritual of eating three meals a day has almost disappeared. Many Americans say they are not hungry in the morning and only drink coffee at breakfast and in their cars on their way to work, a practice that does not make it easy for their digestive system and, in fact, hardly contributes to their psychological well-being. Lunch is taken on the run at fast-food restaurants and dinner is again fast food on a tray as they sit at the TV. I often wonder if this careless behavior of eating and its psychological consequences have something to do with the great prevalence of cancer in our society. Who knows?
At the other end of the spectrum we have the gourmet restaurant which is gradually eliminating vestiges of simple food. Even if you speak French or Italian fluently you will often find it hard to understand the menu. Its language is neither English, French, Italian nor Russian. Basic ingredients are camouflaged, and often mixed together indifferently, while the chef is trying his best to overwhelm you with the thought that you are eating like a king. The waiter is a salesman persuading you to eat this or that dish as he tries to describe the menu. Many of the clients at such a restaurant are back in their usual routine the next day eating no breakfast, a fat hamburger at noon and the TV tray at night. The food on the tray may sometimes be good, but the diner is distracted by the TV and not in a receptive mood. Americans are eating badly and perhaps every third person you see on the street is overweight. There is little joy in their eating, and many are suffering through an unhealthy diet trying to lose weight. Often when they do eat, they temporarily forget they are on a diet.
My friends, eating well and sensibly is not easy to do. But I contend that eating good food, like art, music, or literature, can be a source of great happiness, and incidentally a boon to good health. I have become interested in nutrition during the last years. At first I was listening to the nutritionists, worrying about my health, but eventually was convinced that there is no easy solution to knowing what is good for us. One soon learns that there are a thousand different opinions and no one really knows yet what exactly happens to food as it passes through the digestive system. Notice that no one tells you in precise terms how much food to eat, or how to eat. The nutritionists are presumably concerned about your health and by some hook or crook they are determined to see that you will receive the necessary food and food supplements to make you the healthiest person in the world. Big business happily joins them in this effort. In the beginning I believed in a careful diet, but I gradually came to believe that it didn't much matter what we eat if our appetite approves, and concluded that our biggest problem is that we eat too much and rarely make a practice of enjoying our food. I now believe that these two facts may be the cause of so much poor health. Moreover, it seemed to me that my health would prosper if I encouraged my appetite to help me decide what to eat. If eating is to be an art, I believe that one must become more aware of the taste of food and to lessen the demands of hunger. Like listening to music, I concluded that I should simply eat for pleasure, that the secret for good health is to eat less food and vary my choices from day to day guided by my appetite. After all, why not make eating every day a constant pleasure? I became interested at first in the most basic foods. I eat small meals, taking care not to eat between meals, and to have no health-conscious taboos about any food that appeals to my appetite. (Sugar is perhaps not good for you, but it will also do you no harm.) It is interesting to note also that conclusions about the danger of consuming too much salt are still mixed. Likewise, there is nothing wrong with coffee if you don't drink it all day. To eat with a changing variety of food in small amounts, no one food is likely to have a bad effect on one's health. I am trying to make eating an art. I don't mean that I indulge in fancy foods. Quite to the contrary, I try to forget the word gourmet. Using the best ingredients, the flavors of basic foods can be wonderful and as enticing as the concoctions one often finds in a gourmet restaurant. I ignore the cookbooks and their complicated recipes. I think of the simplest of foods, and they require no recipes to prepare. I had forgotten the wonderful flavors of the simplest foods: a roast chicken, string beans sauteed in good butter, a baked potato, a fresh tomato, especially at the height of the season, a fine little tenderloin steak, broiled lamb chops, pork tenderloin, fresh asparagus, or raspberries with rich cream. This is all food that scarcely requires preparation. I have planned lunch and dinner over an eight-day period and my shopping to serve such a period. This then can be repeated for another eight days.
Relaxing is as important as eating; to promote good health, food needs to be comfortably digested, and this requires relaxation when we eat. A troubled person is not likely to be relaxed. To be relaxed, one must be content, at least somewhat optimistic and reasonably happy to enjoy eating. I believe living one day at a time is more likely to develop a constant approach towards relaxation and contentment. This may be the crux to good health--not what we eat. Relaxation and digestion are subjects rarely discussed by the nutritionists. To begin with, I look forward to a simple breakfast, an egg, toast and coffee, and take the time by rising early to enjoy a very relaxing hour, reading the morning paper over a second cup of coffee. The routine I have described here encourages me to take the time to enjoy a good breakfast, lunch and dinner, the basis for the relaxation I need. In sum, I try to think only of the enjoyment food will bring me. I believe then that my health will take care of itself.
A few last words
I have had a successful career, but I have also had failures and disappointments. I had hoped to write music, but I never made it. I wrote a few pieces that I like and belong to me, but I was never able to sustain the ability to compose. I built organs for 24 years and enjoyed it immensely, but this was an effort to assuage my frustrations with the organs I played during my recital career. They rarely suited my musical conceptions, so I tried building organs that would. I voiced all my own organs and believed that the art of a good organ builder is his ability as a voicer. I built some instruments that particularly reflected my style of playing and my conception of a good organ.
I admire perfection. In my listening I want to hear only the best performances and the best sound an instrument and its player can realize. From the beginning of my career I cared less for success than the constant satisfaction I enjoyed in an effeort to do the best I could. However, I do not set myself up as a paragon of perfection. I live comfortably with my shortcomings. They are part of my life. They do not bother me, and I accept them without regrets.
I am sure I might have been just as happy with less success. If you are like me as I was during my younger days, please observe my thoughts here. As organists, if you do not yet have the skill to play a Bach fugue, be glad that you can at least play the organ, but make your playing an art whether you are an amateur or a professional. Simply accept your talents and ability as they are and make the most of them. Choose simple pieces, even hymn tunes, and try to play them just as beautifully as possible. And only choose music you like. Be critical with yourself and make great effort to please yourself. Don't just play the organ, but focus on doing what you do with a concept of what perfection means. Try to play, whatever it is, a hymn tune or a simple piece, just as beautifully as possible. I believe you will enter into a new richness in your lives, and you will enjoy the effectiveness of your playing. Don't think in terms of practicing, just keep trying to play beautifully and you will be more likely to achieve good results. I could have been quite content as an organist in an obscure parish church playing small easy pieces perhaps limited by an average technical ability. My pleasure then would have been in the effort to play them just as beautifully as possible. I believe we are too easily carried away by the applause and kudos that we hope will eventually come our way. I soon realized that there might be greater rewards. In any event, I early on became interested in the pursuit of perfection. I remember in my first church position, I practiced the hymns every day of the week for the next Sunday's services. In those days I was not yet able to play a hymn tune with ease. I had to practice them. Even from a technical point of view, I was proud when I could get through a service without any wrong notes. Once I had a vision of what perfection meant, I practiced the hymns and voluntaries until I was sure they were done as well as I knew how to do them.
My friends, in this new year, I would hope each of you will make a wonderful little world just for yourselves. We all hope to be happy, but that is not enough. Don't only base your life on such a hope. Instead, really make an effort to be happy and optimistic, as I try to do. Use strategies, as I have, to make your day fulfilling, and make the most of every day of this precious gift of life. Living your life too with artistic purpose, with a sense for the meaning of perfection, I believe, is the best way to keep a healthy mental outlook on life in this difficult but amazing world.
About the Author
Robert Noehren celebrated his 90th birthday on December 16, 2000, and continues to be active as an organist and author. This past year witnessed the release of a remastered CD of his recordings on the large organ he built at St. John's Cathedral in Milwaukee (The Robert Noehren Retrospective, Lyrichord LYR-CD-6005) and the book, An Organist's Reader: Essays (Harmonie Park Press). Robert Noehren has enjoyed a career as recitalist, scholar, teacher, composer, and organ builder. He was for many years chairman of the organ department and university organist at the University of Michigan, has made more than 40 recordings, authored numerous articles, and built more than 25 pipe organs throughout the country.
